IC Contact

[murderpotato]

Hello, you have reached the voicemail box of:

What the fuck do you want?

At the tone, please leave a brief message.

Comments

[hybridification]

Okay so, short version: people from my world want to kill eachother and I'm caught in the crossfire.

Long version: my ex-boss, who I used to... uh, still do... sort of... idolize and want to be like also happened to make life very hard on this one planet. Some people didn't like that and rose up against him. They mercilessly slaughtered this guy, which sucked.

A lot of people from my universe are here now, and of the three people on the bandit side, only two of them remember my boss. They also lowkey want me dead, but not quite badly enough to go out of their way and do it. You following this so far?

The third is their ringleader, but she doesn't remember my ex-boss torturing her or murdering everyone she loves or any of that. She doesn't know the guy at all. But, she's an all-powerful witch-being-lady-creature and can literally melt my brain from 30 feet away if she remembered that she hates this guy and everyone affiliated with him (read: me).

Next: my ex-boss also showed up. He doesn't know who I am... haha, nothing new there... but he would happily kill me for defecting. He's also on a collision course to meet ringleader chick and remind her of who he is, which will make her come after me. Still with me?

I struck a deal with one of them to protect me if it comes to that, but I don't think he will.

Next: my partner... sort of... in a heist I was committing to, uh... steal a small amount of money from my company (turning me traitor to my ex-bosses company, essentially) is also here. I think she wants to keep me alive though? So count one totally normal and not badass chick on my side in all this.

Finally: isortofnevertoldyoubutihaveanaiofmydeadbossdownloadedintomybrain

action 1/2

[murderpotato]

[Elsewhere in the house, a door opens and closes.]

[Then the door to Rhys' room also opens and closes, but in it is Gren.]

What the fuck, Rhys.

[murderpotato]

Seriously, what the fuck. That last sentence made no fuckin' sense.

[Small words for the guy from the 80s, okay.]

Explain it again, but less stupid this time.

[hybridification]

[Rhys looks up, mildly surprised, but not startled. He'd heard Gren's massive footsteps, after all.]

It wasn't stupid the first time, man. I mean- yeah, the situation is stupid, but I can't exactly change that, now can I?

[murderpotato]

I fuckin' get the part about people wanting to kill you.

[Sometimes, Gren wants to kill him, too, so he can see why other people would get the urge. It's actually pretty amazing that Rhys has made it twenty-something years without getting punched straight into next week yet.]

How the fuck do you have a dead guy in your brain? The whole AI thing is computer shit or whatever, your brain ain't a fuckin' computer.

[hybridification]

Well... part of it is.

[Unfortunately. Rhys taps the port on his head with his robotic arm, making a slight clink as if in demonstration.]

I installed it by accident. You can't tell anyone, alright?

[murderpotato]

You installed your dead fuckin' boss into your head on accident.

[Jesus fucking christ, Rhys. Your shit is going to give Gren a constant migraine, he already feels one building up behind his eyes.]

Okay, so who the fuck do I have to keep an eye out for? I need to know who I gotta punch if they show up at the fuckin' door.

[He could just punch anybody who shows up at their door, and he'd probably honestly be fine with that arrangement, but he should know who exactly wants to kill Rhys and who doesn't.]

[hybridification]

Um... yeah.

[But seriously, the fact that Gren is offering to punch people on Rhys' behalf is still really kind of touching, and Rhys moves to sit up on his bed, swinging his legs around to rest his feet on the floor with kind of a dumb little grin.

Rhys will remember that.]

Well, numero uno, chick with red hair and pink shirt. Second person would be... uh, a guy with some metal stamped into his forehead- you know, above his left eyebrow, like a brand, right? Third, a shirtless dude with a sixteen-pack and a mask. Fourth, I think... well.

[He really doesn't want to turn in Handsome Jack, but tbh his boss coming to strangle him for stress relief is just as likely as Lilith phaseblasting him into next year.]

-a guy with a mask that looks like a face. Hinges on his forehead stapling it on. Really nice hair.

I think that's it? For door-punching people. You don't have to punch Fiona, she's from my world too, but she's cool. She doesn't want me dead yet.

[murderpotato]

[Gren knows some weird people, it kind of comes with the territory of being a Fable, but this list? These are some weird folks.]

[Who the fuck wears a mask of a face? That's creepy.]

Is the redhead the girl who got a coeurl stuck in her fuckin' living room? L-something. Lily.

[No, that's just the name that he's used to saying.]

Lilith.

[hybridification]

Oh. Uh.

[Well, there's that! Hopefully they aren't friends... Rhys rubs awkwardly at the back of his neck, with a short nod.]

You've met her.

[murderpotato]

Yeah. She's kind of a bitch.

[So put him down as a 'not really' for the friends thing. Whenever he talked to her, it seemed to just devolve into arguing and then into demands of COME AT ME BRO.]

You got a fuckin' gun or something?

[He can't hover over Rhys' shoulder all the time, so the kid might as well have something to protect himself with. Or, at least, to hold someone off with until somebody more useful shows up.]

[hybridification]

[No comment on that first statement. Rhys looks him up and down before nodding, reaching under his pillow and tugging out a gun. It's smallish, just a little repeater pistol, but it's his.]

Axton- one of the guys I was telling you about. He gave me this.

[murderpotato]

Good.

[That's at least one thing that Rhys has done right. Sure, there's nothing that's going to get at him while Gren's in the house, but there's also nothing wrong with being prepared. And as far as guns go, size isn't as important as where you put the bullet.]

You know how to fuckin' use it without shooting yourself in the foot?

[hybridification]

[Rhys scoffs and rolls his eyes, twirling the gun a little in his fingers.]

Of course I know how to-

[Whoops. At some point, the sleekness of it had gotten a little too sleek, and it slips out of his hand. Rhys yelps and scrambles up to his bed to avoid any stray bullets as it clatters to the floor- thankfully, without firing, but still.]

-um.

Gren's face is gonna get stuck on :| pretty soon

[murderpotato]

[Rhys, you absolute fuckboy.]

I'm gonna take that shit from you if you do that again.

[Don't fucking twirl the gun, this isn't Metal Gear and you aren't a cat-themed Russian double-agent.]

nobody can really blame him tbh

[hybridification]

[....right.]

No, no, it's fine, I've got it all under control.

[Rhys has the opposite of that. Things are spiraling out of hand so quickly that he's honestly kind of shocked he's still alive. He reaches to pick up the gun, a little sheepishly.]

Anyway, a gun won't do me much good if Lilith decides to teleport my internal organs into another dimension.

[murderpotato]

But she don't have any reason to come after you yet, right?

[Yet being the operative word, but it matters. Rhys is in trouble, and Gren doesn't just leave his friends in shitty situations if he can do anything about it.]

[He supposes that the quickest way to solve all this shit would be to get rid of Rhys' boss. No boss, no telling Lilith about whatever it is, no bitch coming after Rhys. But that also involves technically breaking the terms of his amnesty and those moral whatsits against just straight up murdering people. He's not supposed to murder people, even if it would make things a lot easier.]

[Rhys probably wouldn't like the idea, either.]

Is she the kind of bitch who'll give you warning before she starts tracking your ass down?

[Even if it's just threatening him to put some fear of god into him, it's a heads-up.]

[hybridification]

Not yet, no.

[Rhys certainly wouldn't like the idea of murdering his own boss, even if he's relatively sure that this is all going to pay out in blood in the end anyway. He doesn't know who's winning and he doesn't know which side he's on yet, and so for the most part, his plans are:

1. tell Gren
2. hide under Gren's bed
3. wait for this all to blow over

It's not quite going well so far.]

I don't know. I think it's one of those things where like, if she ran into me on the street, she'd just pop a bullet in my skull, but otherwise she might not go looking for me.

[murderpotato]

You're a fuckin' pain in my ass, you know that?

[Fuck, Rhys, you're way more baggage than Gren had ever anticipated. How can one mundy keep getting themselves into so much shit? It's like he's a shitmagnet, inexorably attracting all the shit in the vicinity to himself.]

Okay. You got someplace you need to go, let me know and I'll come with you. The bitch's been wanting to start shit with me anyway, so if she's looking for a fight, I can give it to her.

[hybridification]

-wait, seriously?

[There's a pause, an honest-to-god moment where Rhys just sort of looks at Gren, kind of incredulous, kind of- well, it's nice of him. And sure, Gren had offered to try and dig him up when he wasn't actually buried in the first place, but this is different. This is Gren offering to go toe to toe with a siren. That's on a whole other level.]

You'd do that for me?

[murderpotato]

What, fuck the bitch up? Yeah. I said I'd keep you from getting you stupid ass killed, didn't I? I ain't gonna just sit around and let her fuckin' aerate your head.

[Rhys' got more than his fair share of holes in his skull, anyway. He clearly doesn't need any more of them.]

Besides, she don't know what she's gettin' into.

[Though, to be fair, neither does he.]

[hybridification]

Dude.

[He knows that Gren is like, crazy strong, but he feels like he should warn him all the same. Rhys moves a little closer, setting a hand on Gren's shoulder.

You know, the one still attached to an arm. This is supposed to be heartfelt, okay?]

She's a siren. She can melt your insides with her brain.

[murderpotato]

Yeah, and?

[Rhys, why are you touching him. Gren looks down at the offending hand on his shoulder and the person it's attached to, expression dry enough to dessicate an ocean.]

Is it fuckin' Tuesday already? I've tangled with a lot of weird-ass fuckin' people, Rhys, this ain't anything new.

[Witches, trolls, whatever the fuck the Jersey Devil is, Woody, Bigby goddamn Wolf-- let's be real, if it exists, Gren has probably tried to punch it at one point or another. And even if he hasn't fought a siren before, now he gets the wonderful opportunity to add one to the list.]

[Good life decision? No. But Gren's life is full of poor life choices and he's not about to stop now.]

[hybridification]

[Rhys wants to protest, because Lilith is a siren, but he doesn't. After all, Gren is one more guy standing between Lilith and himself, and he doesn't want to dissuade him. Besides, Gren has got some weird stuff going on. Maybe he'll actually land a few blows?

Or maybe Rhys is underestimating him. That's possible too.]

Alright, well- thanks, man.

[He sort of. Awkwardly lets the hand drop a few moments too late.]

For everything. You're a good roommate.